This is Why You’re Fat

This review originally appeared on my blog “Shoot the Sea” when Alison and I still had “We’ve Seen Better” in the works! It belongs here on WSB, really!

I love a good hypothetical situation. I can’t stop myself from forcing absurd questions and circumstances into the minds of those I love. From the ever-excellent game of Whataboutafellow to hypothetical eating contests (sticks of butter, go! Heads of lettuce, go! Lollipops, go! Slushies, go!) to “what would you do if [___]?” and “Imagine if there were a place that [___]” and so on ad nauseam, this has been my favorite game since I could speak.  This amusing comic is me to a T, I freely admit, and I am fortunately blessed with moderately patient friends.


I am sorely disappointed by a popular image blog, because it does not present itself as an honest gross-out contest amongst its fans.

I want the site to be a place that legitimately showcases crazy unhealthy foods that people eat. That is mildly interesting to me (though in practice it winds up being pretty classist, I think!), and it is the way the site seems to present itself. A deep fried mars bar or the KFC DoubleDown are examples of foods that I accept on the site, because they are foods that are bought and sold and eaten.

90% of the content, however, is CLEARLY just fans of the site throwing some bacon and hostess snacks into a hamburger and taking a picture, or deep frying a pile of stuff. And then the readers are supposed to go “Eww, I can’t believe that really exists!!” which is a silly thing to think, because to all effects and purposes, it doesn’t exist. It wouldn’t exist if not for the sake of taking the picture. It’s an entirely different issue than learning there’s a restaurant actually sells a deep-fried pulled pork sandwich or something.

I really don’t care what food you wasted on a rainy Saturday night after a giggling bacon run to the Big Y with your friends, because I know you then either threw it away, split it between your 10 pals, or gamely choked down a few bites before your friends said that was enough to prove you were a man (or woman!). Or maybe you made it alone. 😦 At any rate, unless it is a REAL feature of your regular diet or an item on a menu, I see no reason to go beyond the perfectly entertaining hypothetical attack (“imagine eating GRAVY Popsicles!!! Ewwww!”) and actually waste the cash to make a teetering meter-tall cheeseburger mit pommes frites. The waste is much more sickening to me than the food itself, maybe because I was raised with a “eat every single morsel or you don’t leave the table” mindset. Here are some alternate names for the site:

“This is Why You Need a Hobby”

“Bacon is Hilarious, I am Told!”

“This Would Make You Fat (if you actually ate it)”

“Haha, Gross.”




1 Comment

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One response to “This is Why You’re Fat

  1. I tried the Double Down once. It tasted like shit.

    Also, you might find this interesting. Apparantly that site no longer exists.

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