A PEP TALK IN EVERY DROP

I have a cough, so I got some cough drops. About halfway through the bag, I have discovered that I have been throwing away DOZENS of phrases meant to help me, without even knowing it! It turns out that Halls cough drops have encouraging words on the wrappers! This fact is not indicated anywhere on the bag these came in. I have never heard of it before. Was it always this way??

Either way, they miss the mark for me. Even the few I have seen since my discovery fill me with annoyance. Also, they fill me with sad mental vignettes featuring the saddest sickest sadsters smiling weakly at the wrappers crinkling in their flu-addled hands. I will attempt to categorize the phrases from a random handfull of wrappers on and around my desk (the trash is wayyyyy over there, okay?)

Things a mom (not my mom!) might say:

“Don’t waste a precious minute”
“Don’t wait to get started.”
“Keep your chin up”
“Seize the day.”

Things some kind of jerk who identifies as a cool-guy might say:

“Flex your ‘can do’ muscle”
“Fire up those engines!”
“Hi five yourself” (Picture a person with a sore throat following this instruction)
“Put a little strut in it”
“Let’s hear your battle cry!” (This one seems especially cruel to put on a lozenge)

Things a miserable person might mutterwhisper to themselves:

“Nothing you can’t handle”
“You’ve survived tougher”
“Don’t give up on yourself”
“Get through it”
“Power Through!”

Things a coach might say:

“You can do it and you know it.”
“Put your game face on”
“Get back in the game”
“Get back in there champ!”

Things a scrappy depression-era kid might say:

“Bet on yourself”
“You got it in you”
“Tough is your middle name.”

Weird things nobody would say:

“Buckle down and push forth!”
“Turn ‘can do’ into ‘can did!'”
“March forward!”
“Impress yourself today.”
“Elicit a few ‘wows’ today”
“Go get it!” (Not strange if directed at a dog)
“The show must go on. Or work”
“Inspire Envy”
“Don’t try harder. Do Harder!”

Most common phrase:

“A PEP TALK IN EVERY DROP (TM)”

You know, the pep talk isn’t technically in the drop. It’s around it. Also there are several per drop-wrapper. Also why is this only advertized on the wrappers and not on the bags or in ads? Relying on word-of-mouth? Or the cough-drop honeypot of promotion: giving an annoying sick person a handful of your weathered coat-pocket-drops?

Anyway, 2 out of 5. Irritating enough to amuse me.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “A PEP TALK IN EVERY DROP

  1. takinthelongway

    Happy little morale-boosters on the inside of Dove chocolate wrappers: cute.

    Bizarre can-do slogans on the wrappers of COUGH DROPS: bizarre.

    Whose idea was this?

    • jim ing

      it is my idea that i developed JVI new york but it seams halls corp. is dragging its feet in’ that it is my interlectual propery.my pep talk in every drop. means for them to pay up !

  2. Laura (Rory's Friend)

    Do wait. Do wait to get started. Wait till you’re not sick anymore.

    You know, it is in their best interest to keep you sick…

  3. Amy

    I found these pep talk messages today and thought they were pretty cool. Clever in fact. Better than just a boring old wrapper.

  4. jim ing

    still waiting mr frank david aka halls corp. on my idea and intellectual property {a pep talk in every drop } will be proceeding soon. u have my info

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