To get back to the casual, lighthearted origins of this blog:
So I just ordered a pizza online, which is the greatest thing ever because talking to strangers on the phone is my least favorite thing, and it is a safe bet that if I am ordering a pizza I am not at my best. Tonight, headache! And I burnt rice and it turns out we’re out of butter to fix it. ANYWAY, the final page has a progress bar (my pizza is currently baking) with irritating sound effects, ads for smartphone apps, a place to leave a review of the whole process and, most notably, the “Leave a note of encouragement to the team making your order” option. And it’s not a write-in either, you have to pick one of their pre-written notes of encouragement. Here are all of them, along with my thoughts:
1. Keep up the good work.
Solid. It is a note, and it is encouraging. B+.
2. You’re my favorite Domino’s Team Members.
Just a see-through lie. I have no idea who is making my pizza, and they know it. C-.
3. I love Domino’s. You guys rock.
Much more accurate! B.
4. Thank you for making my lunch.
Not really encouraging, but okay. Do a lot of people order Domino’s online for lunch? B-.
5. Thanks for making my dinner.
Wait, why is the lunch one a formal “Thank you” and the dinner one the more casual “Thanks”? Shouldn’t those be reversed? B-.
6. You are my pizza heroes.
Clearly the best one. It is encouraging and inspiring. A.
7. Treat my order like it’s the most important one in the world.
What the hell? This is not encouraging at all, nor is it appreciative. It is rude and entitled. Why not just have a “Please spit on my food!” option? D-.
8. Thanks for all of your hard work.
Much better. B+.
9. I don’t know what I would do without you.
Holy shit, I can’t even grade this. This is what you say to your pizza deliverer right before you KIDNAP them. I really hope no one in the history of online pizza ordering has ever chosen this, because it is downright threatening.
And my pizza is now out for delivery! I hope Tony1 made sure I got my garlic dipping sauce, for some reason that gets overlooked like nine times out of ten.